Regulating Emotions Without Suppressing Them: Recognizing What I Feel and Choosing How to Respond
There are moments when an emotion appears with such intensity that it seems to take control of everything: the body, the thoughts, and our decisions. Anger, sadness, fear, or frustration arise suddenly, and before we realize it, we have already reacted in a way we later regret. Then phrases like “I’m too sensitive,” “I can’t control my emotions,” or “I always react badly” appear, increasing guilt and confusion.
But… does emotional regulation really mean turning emotions off or repressing them? Is feeling an emotion the same as reacting impulsively? What happens when the body moves faster than the mind? How can we learn to recognize what we feel without letting it dominate us? These questions are essential to stop fighting our emotions and start relating to them in a healthier way.
This post will help you understand what emotional regulation is, why recognizing emotions is the first step, and how to learn to respond with more calm and awareness—without denying what you feel or letting emotions decide for you.
1. The Initial Emotional Impact
Emotions do not give advance notice. They appear as an automatic response to what we experience: a word, a look, a loss, a frustration. In those first moments, the body reacts before reason does. The heart races, muscles tense, breathing becomes shallow. This is the emotional system activating to protect us.
In this initial phase, there is no control or conscious choice. Trying to “think calmly” at that moment is often impossible. That is why many people judge themselves harshly for reactions that occurred when their emotional system was overwhelmed. Understanding this stage is essential: feeling is not failing; it is a human response.
The problem is not the emotion, but what we do with it afterward. When we fail to recognize what we are feeling, the emotion expresses itself on its own—often through impulsivity, silence, or emotional outbursts.
“Emotions appear on their own; learning how to respond takes time.”
2. Recognizing the Emotion: Naming What I Feel
Emotional regulation begins with something very simple and at the same time very powerful: recognizing the emotion. Many people react without really knowing what they are feeling. They say “I feel bad” or “something is wrong,” but they cannot identify whether it is anger, sadness, fear, or frustration.
Naming the emotion does not intensify it; on the contrary, it organizes it. When I say “I feel angry” or “I feel frustrated,” my brain begins to process the emotion more consciously. I stop being completely inside the emotion and start observing it.
This step does not eliminate the emotion, but it reduces its overwhelming power. Recognizing what I feel is the first act of regulation.
“Naming the emotion is the beginning of calming it.”
3. Emotion and Reaction: They Are Not the Same
One of the most common confusions is believing that emotion and reaction are the same. They are not.
The emotion is internal; the reaction is the behavior.
I can feel anger and choose to speak calmly.
I can feel sadness and choose to ask for help.
I can feel fear and choose to stop and think.
When we do not distinguish between emotion and reaction, it feels as if we have no choice, as if the emotion forces us to act in a certain way. In reality, emotion does not decide; it informs. The decision comes later, when we learn to create a small pause.
“Feeling does not define me; how I respond does.”
4. The Pause as a Bridge Between Feeling and Responding
Regulating emotions does not mean eliminating them; it means creating a pause between what I feel and what I do. That pause may be very brief, but it is decisive. Taking a deep breath, counting a few seconds, moving the body, or simply staying silent allows the emotional system to calm enough for the mind to participate.
Without that pause, we react automatically. With it, the possibility of choice appears. The pause does not change what I feel, but it changes what I do with what I feel.
Learning to pause is not weakness; it is healthy self-control.
“Between emotion and reaction there is a space: that is where freedom begins.”
5. Regulating Is Not Repressing: Feeling Is Also Necessary
Many people believe that regulating emotions means not feeling them, “holding everything in,” or acting strong. In reality, repressing emotions usually produces the opposite effect: sooner or later they come out more intensely, chaotically, or painfully.
Regulating means allowing the emotion to exist, listening to its message, and responding in a more caring way. Emotions have a function: anger signals boundaries, sadness signals loss, fear signals danger. Ignoring them leaves us disoriented.
Feeling is not losing control; losing control is not understanding what I feel.
“Emotions that are listened to calm down; emotions that are repressed intensify.”
6. Emotional Regulation Is Learned
No one is born knowing how to regulate emotions. It is a skill built over time, especially during childhood and adolescence. That is why it is so important for adults to accompany, name emotions, and model healthy responses.
Learning to regulate emotions is not a fast or perfect process. There will be progress and setbacks. What matters is developing awareness and self-compassion along the way. Every attempt counts.
Regulating emotions is not about stopping feelings; it is about learning how to take care of yourself while you feel.
7. Integrating What We Learn and Looking Ahead
When we learn to recognize our emotions and our reactions, we begin to relate better to ourselves and to others. Impulsive conflicts decrease, communication improves, and the sense of inner control grows.
This learning lays the foundation for other important processes: decision-making, healthy relationships, and life planning. We cannot choose well if we do not first learn to recognize what we feel.
“Those who learn to regulate their emotions learn how to take care of themselves.”
Final Considerations
Recognizing my emotions and my reactions does not make me weak; it makes me aware. Emotional regulation is not about shutting down what I feel, but about learning to listen to it and respond with greater clarity. When I understand my emotions, I stop fighting them and start using that information to live with more balance.
Regulating my emotions is a skill that is learned, practiced, and strengthened over time. It is one of the most important foundations for growing well, relating better, and making healthier decisions.
With affection,
Dr. Arturo José Sánchez Hernández,
your friend in health promotion 💛🌿✨
Comentarios
Publicar un comentario