Emotional Regulation – Learning to Calm Myself and Feel Better
There are moments when an emotion is felt not only in the mind but also in the body. The heart races, thoughts speed up, the body tightens, and it feels almost impossible to relax. In those moments, many people believe that “something is wrong” with them or that they should be able to calm down immediately. This belief creates frustration, guilt, and an inner struggle that only intensifies discomfort.
But… do we really know how to calm ourselves? Were we ever taught how to soothe the body when emotions rise? Is it possible to feel better without denying what we feel? What happens when we understand that calming down is not giving up, but taking care of ourselves? These questions open the door to a kinder and more effective way of regulating emotions.
This post will help you understand how emotional activation works, why the body needs to calm down before the mind, and which simple strategies can help you regain calm and emotional balance.
1. When Emotion Takes Over the Body
Emotions are not only thought—they are felt physically. Anger, fear, or anxiety activate the body as if there were a real threat: rapid breathing, muscle tension, restlessness, difficulty concentrating. This is an automatic response of the nervous system.
In this state, telling someone to “calm down” or “think clearly” usually does not work. The body is on alert, and while that happens, the mind cannot fully relax. Understanding this changes the way we treat ourselves when we feel overwhelmed: we are not failing, we are activated.
“The body activates first; calm comes later.”
2. Calming Is Not Shutting Down: It Is Regulating
Many people confuse calming down with repressing emotions. They try to ignore what they feel, distract themselves forcefully, or “hold it in.” However, the emotion does not disappear; it gets stored and often returns with greater intensity.
Regulating means something different: helping the body reduce its level of activation without denying what is being felt. Calming down is not about stopping feelings, but about allowing their intensity to decrease so that thinking becomes clearer.
“Calming myself is not giving up; it is giving myself time.”
3. The Body as the Gateway to Calm
When emotions are intense, the body is the fastest path back to balance. Simple actions can make a big difference:
breathing slowly and deeply,
moving the body gently,
stretching,
sitting quietly for a few minutes,
feeling the feet on the ground.
These actions send a clear message to the brain: there is no immediate danger. Gradually, activation decreases and the emotion becomes more manageable.
“First the body calms down; then the mind organizes itself.”
4. Learning to Feel Internal Safety
Many people search for calm outside themselves: in others, in constant distractions, or in strong stimulation. However, an essential part of emotional regulation is developing a sense of internal safety.
This is built by learning to:
recognize when I am overwhelmed,
accept that I need a pause,
give myself permission to calm down without guilt.
Feeling safe inside does not mean that nothing bad will happen; it means I have resources to take care of myself when it does.
“Feeling safe does not depend on everything being fine, but on knowing how to take care of myself.”
5. Calming Myself Is Also a Choice
Even though emotions arise automatically, calm can be cultivated. Choosing to breathe, pause, or step away briefly from a situation is not avoidance—it is self-protection. Many impulsive reactions happen because there was no space to calm down first.
Learning to prioritize calm is learning to prioritize emotional health. It may not always be easy or immediate, but every attempt strengthens this skill.
“Calming myself is a form of respect toward myself.”
6. Consistent Practice Makes the Difference
No one learns emotional regulation overnight. Calm is trained in small moments, not only during major crises. Practicing when emotions are moderate makes it easier to do so when emotions are intense.
Over time, the body learns that there are alternatives to emotional overload. Inner confidence grows, and emotions stop feeling like enemies.
“Emotional regulation is not perfection; it is practice.”
7. Feeling Better Does Not Mean Everything Disappears
Learning to calm myself does not make problems vanish, but it changes how I face them. When I am calmer, I think better, communicate better, and make better decisions. Well-being is not about not feeling—it is about knowing how to return to balance.
Feeling better is an inner process, not an external demand.
“I can feel and still learn to be calm.”
Final Considerations
Learning to calm myself and feel better is a fundamental skill for growing well. It is not about eliminating emotions, but about accompanying them with care and respect. When I know how to soothe myself, I stop fighting myself and begin to trust my inner resources.
Calm does not arrive by force; it arrives when I give myself permission to take care of myself.
With affection,
Dr. Arturo José Sánchez Hernández,
your friend in health promotion 💛🌿✨
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