🔍 What Is Forgiveness (and What Is It Not)?
❌ What Forgiveness Is Not
Forgiving is not justifying the offense or minimizing the pain we experienced. It’s not pretending nothing happened, and much less allowing the harm to be repeated. It also doesn’t mean forgetting what happened, erasing the other person from our memory, or restoring the relationship as if it had never been broken. These mistaken ideas are very common and often prevent us from beginning to heal.
Believing that forgiveness is the same as reconciliation can push us into relationships that are no longer healthy. And thinking that we can only forgive if we receive an apology keeps us tied to the other person's behavior. Forgiveness, on the other hand, is an internal decision, independent of the other person's repentance.
âś… What Forgiveness Is
Forgiving is a way to heal. It’s about releasing the emotional burden that keeps us tied to the past. It’s recognizing that what happened hurt us, but choosing not to let it keep hurting us. It doesn’t erase the memory, but it transforms the impact that memory has on us.
Forgiveness is a tool of self-care. When we choose to forgive, we don’t do it for the one who hurt us—we do it for ourselves. We do it to stop reliving what wounded us, to recover our emotional and mental peace, and to protect our well-being.
đź’ Common Myths About Forgiveness
One of the most widespread myths is that forgiving is forgetting, as if erasing the memory could heal the wound. But that’s not true. As the saying wisely puts it:
“To forgive is not to forget, it is to remember without pain.”
It’s also commonly believed that forgiveness must come with reconciliation. However, we can forgive sincerely and still keep our distance from the person who hurt us. The boundary is defined by self-respect.
Another myth is that forgiving is a sign of weakness. In reality, it takes great emotional strength to let go of resentment. Forgiveness doesn’t come from submission—it comes from inner freedom.
🌟 Final Considerations
Forgiving is not forgetting, justifying, or going back to the way things were. It’s about freeing ourselves from the emotional burden that ties us to the past.
We don’t need the other person to change or apologize. Forgiveness is a personal decision that restores our inner peace.
When we release resentment, we protect our emotional health and create space to heal.
Forgiveness is not something we give to others. It’s something we give to ourselves.
And that is the first step toward a lighter, freer life.
đź’™ With love,
Arturo José Sánchez Hernández, your friend in health promotion. 💙
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